My First Drunk Blog

So I decided to do a c=drunken blog post. No internet so I can not tweet it, but who would really see that anywhays? Yes, I put an extra h in anywHays, what are you gonna do about it? I feel I should phut extrah h’s ewherever I possibly chan ( that’s can not Chan).

When I was sober I started watching The Premonition with Sandara Bullock (yes I spelled Sandra wrong, I almost changed it but it made me lagh so ikept it)  and in the beginning )I almost lost where I was going with this) I was so emotional over the death of her husband I was crying.. I am currently watching her get takwn away from her kids.. idk if they can actually do that or if it has to be a cop under the 5150.. pretty dumb.. plus only aa judge or jury can decide if someone is clinically insane.

So im sitting in my old principals house, not my principals old house haaha. Eating top ramen and watching her dog with no pants on… well im not ALWYS watchinh her dog.. like not staring at constantlty. Just keeping an eye out, except not literally.. cuz that would hurt too much and I would ask her to pay me moore than $10 a night. And I hate pants.

It upsets me that she has no internet for me to use and I am probably too drunk to drive.. its only ¼ of a mile to the free internet spot.. wwaaaaiiit.. that’s not very far at all.. I could probably walk! I think I mat try!

I got excited then I got scarted.. that didn’t stop me from smashing a window of a house.. but now im alone.. what if I get raped and kjilled?? Or just killed cuz I wouldn’t want to rape this either. Theres also thatr creepy guy from church you had to turn down last night down the street.. I should probably just stay here and drink some more.. I will probably develop the courafe latrer….shit. I thought I was dping well with the spelling errors… guess not..

UPDATE: this didn’t work out as well as I thought it would be. I am sober now. And wow, no one let me drink by myself again, or drink and blog. It is a dangerous situation lol. So I apologize for my behavior. 

Just a little update, not so funny... just informative.

It has been a while since I last posted. I recently moved out of my parents house and into a house my grandparents own. i moved out with 4 other people. In the woods :) So far it has been pretty awesome.

UPDATE: Yes the house was awesome and I absolutely adored living there, but it becomes less fun when you have psychotic roommates and unfortunately all of mine are psychotic. Oh well, I guess everyone has to have their first roommate story.. I guess mine just won't be positive.

I have also discovered that I can NOT stand "Gleeks".
I learned how to really party and I am bringing that with me. Also the belief in myself that I can smash someones face into the ground.
Also, drama isn't worth it, you have a problem? Come to me and I will show you either my fist or the concrete.

I share a room with a friend I haven't seen in a long time. Turns out we are perfect for each other!
She introduced me to a good friend named Molly. We have had a very eventful few weeks around our house. Many I can't say because it would be incriminating. Just know, they happened at about 2 to 3 o'clock each morning :)

UPDATE: She is the craziest one... No joke, she is psycho.

I have been punched in the face by a dog with a tire, humped countless times and burned the face out of all the pictures of my ex (who by the way is about to get the shit beat out of him because he sucks monkeynuts).

I am now the step-mom of an American Blue-nosed Pitbull named Phoebe. She is ten months old and loves to be obnoxious and retarded.


About 10 weeks ago I came into possession of a beautiful 5 week old American Bulldog :) his name is Bruno and he has helped me through a lot. He is a bundle of energy and joy even through his crippled foot. he is now  15 weeks old and full of personality.. mostly biting your face and doing front flips. The proof is in the constant scratching on my face and chest.


I have since moved back into my parents house.. Yes they are crazy too,  but I am willing to handle them. PLUS no rent, free food, no bills. Good deal... Remind me why I left in the first place? Bruno has become a welcomed addition to the family, everyone loves him. We call him our little RCA dog :)

I feel bad for neglecting my promise to myself of writing and drawing blog posts regularly. Unfortunately after my break up I really haven't had anything funny or worthy of being mentioned  or drawn happen in my life. I can't seem to get into a groove. I've been thinking about posting though.. since this tab has been in my browser for a couple weeks.

I've been thinking really hard about what I could possibly draw.. I was able to draw an octopus and a unicorn earlier.. But nothing comes to mind anymore.. My meds are wearing off, ADHD is clouding my mind and I can't pinpoint anything interesting to draw.

Just texted someone the awesome Jordan Buckley told me to.. quite invigorating.

I really need to draw a fucking picture since me being any kind of funny is out of the picture.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Well my A Capella group and I practice tonight.. Better catch up on my Ke$ha.

Also, I got my nipples pierced :)

Damn they look sexy as hell.. I'm up to 7 piercings now and one tattoo... If you wanted to know.

I'll draw a picture later.. Maybe, and you will be lucky if it is something coherent at all.

So apparently the little cysts on my ovaries have decided to be total bastards and mate or something.

Nothing very eventful happened today. But I decided monogamy is for chumps. whatev.

Because nothing really happened today I thought that I wouldn't be able to write a blog post for today. I then remembered about my first blog posts promise of Oprah hate. Well here you go.

That paragraph took 10 minutes, while this sentence only took two.

Well, Oprah personally attacked me. She now OWNs Discovery Health, January 1st it will become OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. Fuck that.

How am I supposed to become a successful nurse if I can't watch Trauma: Life in the ER, or Mystery Diagnosis, or Dr. G, or Untold Stories of the ER? Seriously. If I fail nursing school I'm going after Oprah. When/if I attack her(I don't know whether it will be fat Oprah or thinner Oprah) she better wish she is the thinner one because she is going to have to run fast.

But I am fairly confident I will succeed in nursing school. And fairly confident that if I do fail, I will not attack Oprah Winfrey...hopefully.


Anyways I'm loosing my funny so I will just draw you a picture to illustrate my dislike/hatred of this terrible woman.

I decided not to replicate the actual OWN image, for possible copyright infringement, we don't want that.

Well thats pretty much it. I'm sorry that it is a boring Tuesday.

Update: My friend showed me something amazing.

I Hate Spiders

 So this morning I got up as usual, pranced merrily to the bathroom.  Blissfully unaware of what was waiting for me in the shower only feet away.

While still having cleanser on my face and shampoo in my hair I looked up to the terrorizing furry eight legged monster with glistening fangs that was right above my head.

Of course I was petrified and unable to move. I finally mustered the courage to splash the spider repeatedly with water as I squished myself in the corner just in case the spider jumped down on my face and decided to eat my face, because for some reason spiders love cleanser, it’s like crack. Anyways, I ended up splashing it down into the bottom of the shower where I stood on my tippy toes in the corner, using the directional showerhead to drain the little bastard down. Eventually, I got him.

My shower then went back to its regularly scheduled events.

I don't even think he knew he only had 7 legs..

Later in the day I got my new iPod Touch J and the new Ke$ha CD.

I am no longer wearing his ring.. he hasn’t noticed.

Soon I am off to experience a new sport as one of my ploys to get healthy and exercise more, it is called roller-skating. My friend Bethany, her father Jamie and I are going to derby practice tonight. Booya fat ass.

Btw, the Ke$ha CD is awesome.


Later on...

Derby practice was cool and boring at the same time. Cool because I am excited to do it. Boring because I do not own skates so I only got to watch.

Today I also learned how to skate! I thought I knew how. Six wheels, one in front of another. No. Four wheels two in front and two in back, next to each other. And the wheels are flat(wtf?).

I felt like I was just learning to walk. Needless to say, I suck.


THEN later on I went and hung out with some friends.

It was there that I was humped against my will.


By their dog "Boss", yes he was the boss. After biting me and leaving a bruise on my arm, he decides to be sweet and want my attention. After I finished petting him, he apparently was upset by the lack of petting and decided to jump on my back and hump me. This is NOT a small dog. This is sort of what it looked like:

My First Blog

Ok, so this is my very first blog so please be gentle.

In my own head I am humorous, I am not sure if I am funny to everyone else.. so I don't say anything. Like ever.

I am not sure if my blog will become funny, perhaps over time. But I'm not feeling too funny lately.

I intend to say anything and everything I want to. So anyone who reads this, your in for a treat. You get to hear about my boring life and how depressing it is.. even though to many of you it won't be depressing, like I'm just exaggerating.. which I am since its only my personal life and health that suck.


 I have a pretty sweet life, minus realizing that the man I am with I definitely do not want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. We've been together (yes present tense -_-) for 3 years, and I honestly thought he was the one. And then he got stupid and drunk and bashed his head and cut off the top of his ear, and got alcohol poisoning. They were able to reattach his ear, but they couldn't replace those dead braincells. It definitely didn't help that he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed to begin with but now he is like super stupid, I can't handle it anymore. He had a CAT scan done and he has a pocket of fluid on his brain and some infarcts on his brain, he has an MRI tomorrow. I can't seem to find a good time to drop the bad news, I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to be with him..


What an awesome first post. I entirely intended it to be funny.. THAT worked out well.
(The title should be "Stupid Teenage Girl Problems")

I'm too full of insecurities to just say what I think is funny (even though I warned you I would say whatever I want, hello ADHD).

Well, I guess I'll try harder on my next blog.

Maybe next time I'll tell you why and how much I hate Oprah Winfrey.